He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
