just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize