my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
