I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize