some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
