know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize