so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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