I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
