Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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