I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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