If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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