I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she woke up with a sticky ear
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
