i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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