Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
