U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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