At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
