burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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