You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
