How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
