He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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