Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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