I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
