Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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