Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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