You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
