Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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