So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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