it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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