im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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