Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
