Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
