She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
