you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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