she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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