I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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