who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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