she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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