To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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