He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
