i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
