I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
