Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
