where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
