paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
