I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
