I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
