im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
