Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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