I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
