Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
