I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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