yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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