I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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