These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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