she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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