Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
