He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize