hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
