There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
