Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
