No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
