I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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