is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
