you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
