That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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