I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
