If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
