I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
