I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
