you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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