I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize