My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
