I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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