So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
