so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
