I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
